


The Gentle Harassment of Cullen Rutherford

by Reecey



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Asking the wrong person for romantic advice, Gen, Gentle ribbing, Teasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-14 16:56:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11787441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reecey/pseuds/Reecey
Summary: Leo Trevelyan, the Herald of Andraste, needs some romantic advice.He asks Cullen, much to the man's endless confusion (and not insignificant embarrassment).





	1. Chapter 1

It was good to see the soldiers of the Inquisition getting to grips with the new swords that the Herald had arranged for them.

“Ah, Cullen, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

Speak of the devil…

Cullen turned, “is something the matter, Herald?”

“No emergency, if that’s what you mean, but I could use your opinion, if you’re willing to give it.”

Cullen squinted at him, “seems a bit unusual for you to ask us for advice separately.”

Leo shrugged with his infuriating and disarming smile, “some things you need to talk about man to man. You know?”

“I’m not convinced that I do. If this is Inquisition business-”

“It isn’t. I was hoping for your advice on a personal matter.”

“Oh, well, that’s fine then. What is it?”

“Do you have a moment? I’d prefer to talk about this in private. Keep it between you, me, and Leliana.”

Cullen barked out a laugh.

“Well, I can leave these men to their excercises for the moment.”

“Great,” Leo grinned, “follow me.”

It was a short walk to the furthest pier on the frozen river.

“Why here?”

“I like it, isolated, but easy to spot people coming along.”

“I suppose,” Cullen replied as Leo effortlessly pulled himself up and lowered an arm to help Cullen up after.

“Don’t like the cold, Ser Rutherford?”

“I can deal with the cold just fine, Lord Trevelyan,” he snapped.

Cullen climbed up with Leo’s help and they sat on the edge of the pier, Leo kicking his legs in the air like a happy child.

“So, what’s all this about?”

“I could use some romantic advice.”

Cullen stared at him disbelievingly.

“Romantic advice? You dragged the leader of the Inquisition’s military force out to this freezing pier for  _ romantic advice _ ?”

“That  _ was _ the idea.”

“But why me? Isn’t this the sort of thing you should be asking Josephine for help with? I’m sure she could find some way to turn the Herald of Andraste’s romantic trysts to the Inquisition’s advantage.”

Leo leaned forward to rest elbow on leg and chin on hand.

“You’re terrible at boy talk, you know that?” he said, a hint of laughter to his voice, “not to mention, for a military leader you’re not particularly good at picking up on context clues, are you?”

“What?” Cullen frowned deeply.

Leo laughed and sat back, leaning back on his hands.

“I’m interested in Josephine romantically.”

Cullen’s eyes widened and eyebrows raised in surprise.

“You are?”

“I am.”

“Then just pursue her then, what’s the problem?”

“Well, there are several problems with that. The first being that, well, she’s the ambassador of the Inquisition, I’m the Herald of Andraste. I don’t want to pressure her into anything.”

Cullen snorted out a laugh.

“The day that Josephine Montilyet can be pressured into anything against her will is the day I’ll eat my boots.”

Leo gave him an amused look.

“Do you ever laugh like a normal person?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing really.” He looked out over the ice and towards Haven. “I must say, it is gratifying to hear that you have that much faith in her, though.”

“I wouldn’t call it respect, exactly.”

Leo chuckled, “don’t lie. You respect her. Maybe not what she brings to the Inquisition, but personally, you respect her.”

“How can I do one, but not the other?”

Leo shrugged, “you’re the repressed military man from a religious order. I’m just a devilishly handsome nobleman. You’d have to tell me.”

The look Cullen gave him was colder than the frozen river they sat above.

“I don’t know why you’re so nervous about it, you two are clearly perfect for each other.”

“Oh no, you’re not going to dissuade me now that I’ve uncovered your dirty little secret.”

Cullen let out a groan of distaste and rolled his eyes.

“Believe what you want. Are we done here?”

“No, because I haven’t finished telling you of my issues of the heart.”

Cullen folded his arms, “I’m still not clear on why you’re asking me about this. Sure, asking Josephine is out of the question, but what about…” he struggled to think of someone neutral and with potentially good advice, “Varric?” he finished, mildly uncertain.

“Possibly because I don’t want the people of the Free Marches to read about the romantic struggles of ‘Theo, Herald of Andrea’, and how his heart is torn between ‘Losephine’ the beautiful ambassador, and ‘Vassandra’ the striking Seeker. My mother would have a heart attack.”

“Yes, that would be rather- wait, Cassandra? You’re interested in both Josephine and  _ Cassandra _ ?”

“I know, I have a type. It’s a terrible affliction.”

Cullen stared at him in confusion.

“They’re nothing like each other.”

Leo raised an eyebrow.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible judge of character, Cullen? Because they’d be right.”

“I don’t have to sit here and take this, you know.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Leo laughed. “I didn’t mean anything by it, not really. I’m just saying that they’re really very similar, once you get past that one uses a sword and shield, and the other the treacherous weapon of diplomacy. That passion, that skill, that  _ drive. _ It’s all very attractive.”

Cullen sniffed, “I suppose.”

“Of course, it doesn’t hurt that they’re both absolutely gorgeous.”

“See, that similarity I can agree on. The rest, not so much.”

“You’re a shallow, shallow man, Cullen Rutherford.”

“I’m starting to think you brought me out here for the express purpose of insulting me,” Cullen replied, a smile on his face despite himself.

“Please, I could do that in Haven. More efficiently, even. I’m sure Solas has a few choice barbs up his sleeves.”

“He probably has those for everyone.”

Leo laughed.

“I’d love to hear what he has to say about me.”

“Probably something along the lines of you being a bleeding heart.”

“Oh, come now. That’s not a barb, that’s an accurate description of my character!”

On a lesser man, what Cullen went through would be called ‘a fit of giggles’, instead, it was merely indulging in quiet laughter.

“So,” Leo said once Cullen had calmed down, “what do you think?”

“That you have rather inconsistent taste in women.”

“You’re really not grasping this whole concept of ‘helping’ are you?”

“I thought I was by listening to all of this,” Cullen answered, gesturing abstractly.

“Well, yes, I suppose it does help to get it off my chest, but I was hoping for more of an opinion.”

“What kind of an opinion?”

“Who do you think I should pursue?”

Cullen gaped at him.

Leo looked at him expectantly, seemingly ignoring the blush creeping up Cullen’s neck.

“Well, you see,” he barely managed to keep from stammering, “it’s not really any of my business.”

“I think it rather is. You have to work with us, and if it goes south it could all get very awkward.”

“I’m sure you’re all capable of being professional.”

Cullen’s ears were burning, he was sure of it.

“I’m not asking you what position we should use on our wedding night, I’m just asking if you think that I’m more suited to one than the other.”

“And I don’t have an answer!”

Leo frowned at him and Cullen realised that his voice had gone higher than usual.

With a sigh, Leo looked back towards Haven and pouted.

“Well, think about it. I don’t want to lead anyone on, after all.”

“R-right. Well, i think I’d best be going.”

He slid off the pier and nearly slipped onto his arse.

“Are you alright down there?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. I just, really should be getting back to oversee training!”

“Okay?” Leo replied, eyebrows raised and a bemused smile on his face.

Cullen gave him a sharp nod and strode off, hunkering down into his fuzzy collar to hide his embarrassment.

“I’ll see you at supper!”

Cullen waved behind him and strode faster.


	2. Chapter 2

“Look, I don’t have any thoughts on whether you should pursue Cassandra or Josephine!” Cullen protested as they approached the Pier of Perpetual Embarrassment.

“Perhaps that’s for the best,” Leo said wryly, “a new challenger has appeared.”

He pulled himself up onto the pier as Cullen stared at him.

“Another one? Pray tell, who is this mystery woman who doubtlessly shares no traits with Josephine and Cassandra?” He sneered as an obvious candidate presented itself. “Vivienne?”

Leo laughed and lowered his hand to help Cullen up.

“Of course not. Vivienne is the Maker’s gift to us mortals to remind us that perfection exists and sits outside of our reach as an unattainable ideal.”

“I honestly can’t tell whether you’re genuinely complimenting the woman, or if this is an incredibly convoluted  _ backhanded _ compliment.”

Leo grinned, “I’ll leave that for you to work out on your own.”

Cullen rolled his eyes and hunkered into his coat.

“So, who is she then?”

“His name is Dorian Pavus, and you shouldn’t put that sneer away yet. He is a mage.”

“Of course he is.”

“You say that like you were expecting it,” Leo said, amusement lacing his tone.

Cullen squinted at him, “you’re such a bleeding heart that you’ve probably had a crush on at least one person of every variety in Thedas. Tell me, is Varric the dwarven object of your affections?”

“No, that’s Harding. But that would definitely be an abuse of my authority. Yours too, more’s the pity, you’d make a cute couple.”

The blush made its way up his neck in record time.

“Yes, it would,” Cullen said slowly, “and I would thank you to stay out of my love life.”

The slow smile spreading on Leo’s face gave him the ugly feeling that he’d just encouraged the man.

“If you want my advice on the mage, it’s going to be ‘no’,” Cullen said gruffly, trying to steer the conversation back to a form of discomfort he could better deal with.

“That’s not very fair, you don’t know anything about the man.”

“I know that he’s a mage, and that’s enough.”

“You disappoint me, Cullen. You don’t strike me as the sort of man to jump to conclusions, I thought you’d be more thoughtful. Weigh the evidence and make a balanced decision.”

Cullen folded his arms and glared at him.

“I don’t believe you. You said I was a terrible judge of character.”

“Hey, just because you’re provably terrible at something doesn't mean that you don’t have the right approach.”

“Fine then, tell me more if you have to.”

“Well, he's from Tevinter-”

“You're doing a terrible job of convincing me that  _ you _ are a decent judge of character here.”

“Hey,” Leo protested, “what makes you think that I need your approval?”

Cullen raised an eyebrow, “possibly the fact that you keep asking for it. But please, go on, tell me more about this mage so that I may continue to despair of your taste in men.”

Leo shrugged.

“Well, he's handsome. Nice face, dark hair, nice eyes… There's something very kempt about him, makes me want to ruffle him up.”

“But.”

“He’s kind of a grandstander. I’m not so sure I like that.”

“Considering that the front runners for your affections are two of the most down to earth and serious women that I have ever met, you may want to take that as a sign that this Pavus isn’t the one for you.”

Leo stared at him with raised brows.

“What?”

“That was actually some really good advice Cullen. You surprised me.”

“Good to know that I'm not a complete let down,” Cullen said blandly.

Leo grinned and gave him a hearty slap on the back.

“I think that’s highly unlikely, but I’ll be sure to let you know if you do ever disappoint me.”

“Thanks.”

Leo squeezed his shoulder before resting back onto his hands.

“I’m glad I talked to you about this. Honestly, all my mind could come up with was that I just don’t like his facial hair.”

Cullen’s face scrunched up and he squinted at Leo.

“His facial hair?”

“It’s- how do I put this? Ah, he looks like he got smacked in the mouth by an Orlesian barber.” Leo nodded after a moment’s thought, “yes, that’s about right.”

Cullen laughed, “that’s some evocative imagery. Have you considered taking up the pen like our friend Varric?”

“Hmm, maybe I should! Write the epic romance of the Templar Knight-Captain ‘Mullen’ and lead Inquisition scout Lieutenant ‘Carding’.”

Cullen shoved him.

“Don’t you  _ dare _ .”

Leo veritably cackled.

* * *

Later, when Dorian Pavus dramatically burst into the war room, Cullen had to stop himself from laughing.

Firstly, because he had his suspicions that he’d been lurking outside the door, listening in and waiting for the perfect time to make his dramatic entrance (a suspicion that the sour look on the guard following’s face all but confirmed).

But secondly because, yes, he  _ did _ look like he’d come off the worse in an encounter with an Orlesian barber.

Cullen had to be grateful that Leo didn’t write the reports for his missions, or else there’d be no work done around Haven because of all the laughing that would happen.


End file.
